life is changing

Life is changing for us.  Time goes on and people get older.  We are all getting older.  I am at a time in my life where I worry about my kids and my parents.  Our kids are trying to find their way in life.  My parents are aging and with my Mom's illness it seems to be happening too fast.

Time

Sometimes I look at this blog and remember that it used to be such a big part of my life.  I would write many of my feelings here.  I felt so much passion for it and it was a safe place to release my emotions and tender feelings.

Life is full and busy.  I keep thinking things will settle down yet those times haven't come yet.  I know they eventually will but for now life is still a whirlwind.

I'm still working twice a week in the ER.  It used to be different there.  Healthcare is changing.  It used to be about actually taking care of patients but now it is through-put, cost, patient satisfaction, and a million other things.  It's such a corporate industry now.  Not something I like.  I have thought long and hard about closing this chapter of my life and opening a new one.  I'm not quite there yet but I feel it is close.

My Mom has cancer, a cardiac angio-sarcoma to be exact.  She was diagnosed 18 months ago.  Life expectancy is less than twelve months with this aggressively growing cancer.  She has beaten all of the odds except that now things aren't looking that great.  They thought that with 16 rounds of chemo the tumor had shrunk and they thought that they could surgically remove it earlier in the week.

More bad  news.  The tumor hadn't shrunk but has been growing and has now spread outside of the heart.  It is in the lymphatic system and it is only a matter of time until the cancer attaches to another organ.

We are trying to focus on the "time" element.  We had to tell her when she woke up from surgery that it wasn't successful.  That was hard.  She was hoping to be cured with this surgery.  We have all been sad.

Time is a funny thing.  Sometimes it seems like there is too much of it and other times we can't get enough.

Maybe this is why I am questioning my job again.  I feel like time is going quickly and I only have one life.

The Little Things

I realize more and more that in life, people sweat the small stuff.  They worry about things that don't matter.  They make a big deal out of issues that won't be there in the long run.  I fall victim to this as well.

Why do we do this?

I have a strong spiritual base.  I always have.  My parents taught me from a young age that spiritual things are important but I think it goes even deeper than that.  I feel that I was born with a strong need  for spiritual things.

This is what balances me; grounds me; helps me.  

When I get caught up in things that don't really matter I try to look at things with an eternal perspective.  I will see something or read something that puts things back into perspective for me and my viewpoint changes.

When someone hurts my feelings I can choose not to be offended.  When I get angry about this or that I can take a deep breath and be grateful for the many blessings that I have.  This will help the frustration subside and I can look at things objectively again.

Life is too short to be bugged about things.  We all have many gifts that we have been given.  We can bring out the good in others and make heavy situations light.

This month in December I especially feel the need to be kinder and more giving.  On LDS.org there is a 25 days of light program that interests me and that I am trying to be a part of.  Basically it is trying to do one act of kindness for 25 days straight.

I started yesterday.  I went to Target and bought socks.  I then drove down a street known for homeless people and searched out someone to give them to.  (everyone can use clean new socks)
I saw this lady sitting on the curb.  I could tell that she was homeless.  I confess that I was awkward and scared to talk to her.  Not because I thought she would be harmful but because I felt like my gift would be rejected, or that I would be rejected.  I know this sounds ridiculous but it was how I felt and I sat in my car a good five minutes building up the nerve to get out.

Her name was Paige.  She was around 55 years old and was grateful for the socks.  I sat next to her and chatted for a bit.  I learned many things from her life.  She was lovely.  Tragic that she is living on the street but her personality was open and honest.

I drove away reminded that everyone has a story.  Everyone has a struggle.  Everyone is just trying to live day to day and survive.  We are all trying to survive.

I hope to have many more experiences this month that will bring me out of my comfort zone and help me to grow in areas I need to expand and develop.

It's been a while

I look at this blog from time to time and think.... I should update it.  I guess I just get busy and don't have any extra time.  Time is something that I seem to be short on these days.  I keep thinking that life will settle down and that it will have a more relaxed feel, but it hasn't yet.

In many ways I create my own busy-ness.  I plan things and fill up our calendar.  We travel a lot and are always planning the next trip.  We have taken up camping and love it.  We go with Lindsay and Kyle, our friends and Jack's family.  We have been to really fun places and with a motorhome it makes it so easy.  I wouldn't exactly call it "camping" because it's so nice.

Sam is doing well on his mission.  He loves Ecuador.  He has been out over a year and is a solid missionary.  We get to chat with him once a week via email.  I miss him a lot but I have realized that when you have a son out on a mission there is no need to worry.  He is in the Lord's hands and he is growing in ways he couldn't do here.

We still love it in Newport.  I have always loved it but Jack is coming around (which I am so grateful for).  We have talked about not going back to Yorba Linda.  Things are still evolving but we shall see.

I love getting up each morning and riding my bike along the boardwalk.  I have the most amazing view.  The water and clouds and sun are truly spectacular.  It never gets old.  The people we have met here are great.  We have made friends that are quality people.  I truly would love to make a life here.  I just need to see if that fits into Jack's plan as well.

Work is busy.  It's a constant in my life.  I have a love/hate relationship with it.  Sometimes I am truly done and want to give it up completely, yet other times I realize that it helps our family and fills a need for me.

I do love to blog.  Just writing the thoughts in my head is cathartic.

A year in Newport Beach

Having lived in this beautiful area of Newport Beach for over a year now I realized that it has been really good for us.  We have met new friends, eaten at amazing restaurants, had some beautiful sunsets and have just enjoyed being so close to the Pacific Ocean.  I have really loved the walks on the beach (even though I know that sounds so cliche).  I have been walking to the pier and back for exercise which is really fun.

This is the last weekend of summer.  Labor Day Weekend.  We had some friends come down to hang out with us.  It has been great to have them here.  Last night was a bonfire at the fire pits.  There is nothing better than a campfire hot dog followed up with a smore!!!!

We have had the most intense heat wave the past few weeks but today on the beach it was misty and cold.  Total beach weather.  One day it can be hot and the next foggy and cold.

But.... we love it here.  Not sure how long we will be here, but for right now..... it's the best place we can be.

A life.

Today I saved a life.  Not a human life but a canine life.  

We had a man die in our ER.  I spent the next 8 hours trying to look through his phone to contact the next of kin.  To my surprise, I couldn't find anyone related to him.  Many of the phone numbers were disconnected and I was only able to reach casual acquaintances who didn't know much about his home and family life.  I soon came to believe that he lived alone.  

But then I noticed that he had multiple pictures of a cute dog in his photo album.  

I called animal control and the police department so that they could go get the dog, however they said it may be several days before they would get to it.  

I decided that a small dog could not wait several days to be found and took matters into my own hands.  

My boss and I went to the house, found the dog and coaxed him outside.  We then gave him to animal control to care for.  They told us that he would be eligible for adoption in 30 days and would have no problem finding a good home. 

It was a perfect ending to a very sad start of the day.  

We saved a life.  A beautiful, innocent life.  

Our Trip to Utah

We had so much fun on our trip to Utah last weekend.  We went for General Conference but also to see the Weavers and their new home there.   It's so beautiful there that we contemplate moving there every time we visit.  We even looked at houses close to my sister.  We decided that we need to go back in the dead of winter to see if we still feel the same.  

 Dinner with our friends the McFarlands

 Lucy and Tana on the Trax train to downtown Salt Lake for Conference

 Visiting Boe in his apartment

 Our seats.  It was fabulous

 Beautiful Temple Square

 Fun night with my sister.  Witches night out.  

I completely love this painting.  Jeff found it in the Conference Center full sized.  

Family pictures

Here are some of the family pictures we had done recently before Sam left on his mission and Boe went to college.  We had such a fun night and family dinner afterwards at the Orange Circle.  Laura does such a good job and we appreciate her so much.  Sam is doing great on his mission and is currently in the Mexico MTC.  Boe is having the time of his life in Provo at school.  Lu is thriving in her new school and I love love love living in Newport.  Jack is trying to adjust.  It might take him a bit of time.  :)

The perks

Today after walking Lucy two doors down to school we went down to the water's edge.  It was a surreal morning.  Monsoonal type conditions here with high humidity and multi layered clouds in the sky.  The water was so calm this morning.  So smooth.  I rarely have seen it like that.  It was peaceful and calming to the soul... to my soul.

It is an adjustment as well though.. moving to a new place is always an adjustment.  We are trying to make this place our home and more importantly.... "feel" at home here.

It's quieter here than we are used to.  The boys are gone and we are in only child mode now.  It's smaller dinners, only one lunch to pack in the morning, and much less laundry.

A different phase of life, for sure.

Changes

Today was a big day in my life.  Something I have thought about for a very long time.  I have been up and down and around the situation so many times.

I quit my job today.

I've been there in the ER for 15 years.  I started on nights and then moved to dayshift.  I have worked my way up to where I am now and have been close to the most amazing people.  I have been good at my job and made a difference in many of my patients' lives.

I have loved my job but everything eventually comes to an end and new chapters of life start.

I am starting a new chapter as well.  I love where we live now... in Newport Beach.  I love the active life style and how it seems like I'm on vacation each and every day.

I am excited for life.  I love life.  I am on a new path.

Again....

Another wonderful Thanksgiving at my parents house.  They work so hard every year and this year was amazing.  Good food, great people, happy day.   

I am grateful for many things.  I have many blessings.  

Last Day in NYC

We have had a great time here in NYC.  So much to do and see.  Lu loved it too.  Hopefully she will have these memories for a very long time.  

 One thing we promised her we would do is a horse and carriage ride in Central Park.  It was a beautiful morning to ride.  Lu loved it. 

 The skating rink in Central Park (and in Serendipity)

 So beautiful here

At the airport we had time to kill (because we got here way too early in anticipation of Thanksgiving Eve craziness, but it was smooth sailing).  We found a picture area and made the most of it.  

Airport Fun!

New York is crazy fun!!!

This trip has been so much fun.  We have been all over the city.  Today we went way down to battery park and took the Staten Island Ferry past the Statue of Liberty.  So many great things we've done.  

 One the ferry

 At the 911 Memorial Museum.  So sad and moving.  

 We love the subways.  

 Joe's Pizza - a favorite.  

 The view from Lu's room

 Dinner at Quality Italian - best caprese EVER!

 Heading out for the night. 

 Heading out for the day.  

 Have always loved walking Bleeker Street.  

 Tonight we saw the Musical Aladdin.  We had great seats and it was sou much better than we thought it would be.  Sooooooo good.  

 After the show we went to Shake Shack.  Yum.  

Last subway ride since we leave tomorrow.  :(

It's been a great trip.